Sister, welcome to Boundaries Plaza! How are yoooou? It has been a long time coming. Writing this post has been difficult and so real. Real because my boundaries have been tested these last week fews… Anywho!
Let’s get into this! Boundaries Plaza is part of the Get Uncomfortable series. The purpose of this series is to become comfortable being uncomfortable and truly learn how to show up for YOUrself!
Growing up, we are groomed to be a certain way. Almost all children are taught to be nice. As a child, if someone hurts your feelings you may have been told, so and so did not mean that. In this situation or others, you may have heard “perspective is everything.” There is truth to that AND all of the above words of encouragement can also teach you to ignore your feelings and boundaries.
And still you must set and enforce your boundaries! Below are a few steps to help you do so:
- You may feel guilty or anxiety for establishing your boundaries and expecting individuals to respect them. Still speak truth to them. The goal is to ensure you always feel safe and if you don’t, you must remove yourself for that situation. We are not staying anywhere we are not celebrating! PEEEERIOD!
- What is it that you need in order to feel safe, heard, and free? This is why we set boundaries. Your boundaries may change depending on the relationship and the person you are interacting with.
- Boundaries can be physical, emotional, sexual, based on values, and whatever else.
- When speaking to them, you may want to use I statements. You are more likely to be heard and the person listening is less likely to be defensive. This is dependent on your goal. I go back and forth about I states. Check out this teeny tiny paragraph about the power of I statements.
- When discussing your feelings/boundaries keep it brief. Check this post out for more information. Again, it is teeny tiny. People do not have the capacity to hear much. IJS! And the goal is to be heard so share three points or less regarding your feelings and needs.
- THEIR REACTION IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS OR RESPONSIBILITY! Do not own it! Let them sit with their feelings. Say your peace and move on!
Have you had any experiences with setting and enforcing your boundaries? If so, how was your experience? Do you have anything to add to the list?