Rock Bottom…

Isn’t ALWAYS a bad thing!

However, people pleasing is!

You are not living your life if you are constantly worried about what someone has to say about you and your doings! Plus, that is stressful. *This is coming from a former people pleaser.*

In my late teens, I had a mugshot plastered all over the internet. I remember being embarrassed, angry, and ashamed. I paid websites to take the image down. I didn’t want people to see the photo or know about the situation. 

After the second round of mugshots, I left them up for several reasons… I was being punished for a crime my biological mother committed. I was naive and didn’t report her. Truthfully, we were not on good terms and I wanted us to be. I wanted her to love me and for us to have a “healthy” relationship. 

My legal experience was out in the public and out of my control. There was nothing I could do about it. If I was going to lose community (friends and family) over this the community wasn’t for me. I did lose some people and I was devastated. My life drastically changed after this.

Thinking about this time, which was 9 years ago, still doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t know if it ever will. Maybe when the situation is completely behind me… I don’t want to go on a tangent. If you have questions I have answers. 

I can proudly say I am no longer ashamed of this situation.

This is why I refuse to please people. It’s impossible. You will lose your mind and self doing so. 

This experience is why I am a mindset coach. I want us to get unstuck and unapologetically thrive in our own unique ways. I did it and believe you can too!

Below are five tips to help you stop pleasing others and please yourself. I want you to enter 2021 caring a lot less about what one has to say about you. 

  1. Are you your UNAPOLOGETIC self with your friends and family? If not, why? What’s causing you to shrink? Can you have a conversation with the person? Is it time to end the relationship? Do what is best for you!!!
  2. You have a choice. You are made to believe you have to say yes to one’s request and you don’t. You can say no, which may be difficult. However, you are teaching that person how to treat you and creating boundaries for your well-being.
  3. Set clear boundaries and stick to them as much as possible. You may backslide and/or change them. It is okay. Get back up and try again. The goal is to create safe and healthy interactions and environments for YOUrself! 
  4. Is the experience life giving? You can no longer afford to do things out of obligation. You have one life. Live it up, Friend!
  5. Do not apologize!!! PERIOD! Your needs are important. Therefore, you should not apologize for protecting them.

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Live your best life!

Janine

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